God truly does discipline those He loves and calls His legitimate sons and daughters (Hebrews 12:4-12). What a painful, yet beautiful honour...
Lately, I have felt close to our ancestor Abraham. In the past, accounts of the old testament seemed unreal, unattainable and foreign. Today, God has been using them as a way to divide my joints and marrow; to judge the attitude and thoughts of my weak human heart (Hebrews 4:12). Amen!
Abraham and Isaac... (Genesis 22)
I have many "Isaacs" in my life as the world, my own brokenness and satan try to compete for God's rightful place in my heart... I see Isaac as a beautiful gift from God, yet also a site of possible idolatry for our dear Abe. Isaac was so much more than just Abe's promised son. He was his good reputation, trophy in society, hope for the future, relief from a piercing disappointment...and, so much more...In my life, there have been many moments where I have failed to acknowledge God's ownership of all aspects of my life... While laying your desperate desires onto an alter at the feet of God is brutal in the journey up the hill, the moment of release is True Joy. Because: GOD WILL ALWAYS PROVIDE. . .and we will always be refined further into holiness if we trust in His will. smile.
An example of this happened to me today as I finally made my way to the Consulate General of Japan in Toronto. I was eager, anxious and excited to finalize this part of the process that I have been longing to complete! Shortly after I handed in my papers, the lady informed me that I would probably not be able to attain the type of visa I was applying for and I would most likely have to postpone my trip by a couple of MONTHS... This was due to the "religious" nature of my trip, requiring me to apply for a Missionary Visa. Many thoughts ran through my mind as tears filled my eyes during the long elevator ride down to the lobby... Why God? Yet this time He not only answered (as He always does) but I was able to listen and learn. I must admit that it was a temptation to become bitter, blame others and feel self-pity as this reality began to toss around in my mind. However, God has been preparing me through many people and experiences to NOT LOOSE HEART, to say "YES LORD" AT ALL TIMES and to trust that HIS way is always the harder way, yet by far the better one. His way for us is the way that saves. Soon after, I got a call from the same lady saying that her doubts about my visa were wrong and the official visa officer felt my application was appropriate for the visa I was applying for... really? NICE!
Thank you Jesus for leading me up this hill today. The fact that the visa officer had a softened heart towards my application was wonderful, yet the real miracle is that Your Holy Spirit really does move and breathe within me. I am so full of joy that you allowed me to hear "no" today, because it gave me a moment of candidness with You. My heart wanted to falter, but YOU kept me strong. Jesus, I know Your way is the only way...and even though there will be more trials, closed doors, shaking heads, miscommunications, bumps in the road, You are my promise, reward, shield and Beloved. I love You.
ONE. MORE. MONTH. (Lord willing that is... :)
